Today I read Bookgasm’s list of 10 Female Authors One of Their Contributors Would Be Willing To Have Sex With. Obviously I thought it
was a brilliant idea for a column. But as I set about stealing it, I realized
something uncomfortable: I’m pretty sure none of the attractive male authors I was looking at would be willing to have
sex with me. Bummer, right?
So instead I’ve collected a list of 10 physically attractive
male authors who I am pretty sure would not have sex with me, and why:
Michael Chabon would not have sex with me because I keep
writing “lay” when I should be writing “lie.”
Vladimir Nabokov would not have sex with me because he is
dead.
Colum McCann would not have sex with me because he wouldn’t be able to watch the Daily Show because I would keep repeating the funny things Jon Stewart
says.
David Means would not have sex with me because I keep
telling people he’s from Williamsburg.
Jonathan Franzen would not have sex with me because I call
jean shorts “jorts.”
Jonathan Safran Foer would not have sex with me because I haven’t
cleaned under the couch cushions in like three months.
Junot Díaz would not have sex with me because I would tell him all the Game of Thrones spoilers.
Nathan Englander would not have sex with me because I still
tell hanging chad jokes.
(Photos via Wikimedia)
(Photos via Wikimedia)
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